Hey, yourself.
It’s been a year since the inaugural post of this website and there’s been a lot of development since I left off a year ago with that soppy post about my life. It hasn’t really been a hell of a ride, more like the gradual build-up to a ramp on a rollercoaster that’s about to drop and put some well earned terror and adrenaline into my head.
I think a list of things I’ve done is in order for those of you who haven’t been following my exploits closely (not as a lack of trying, more like I’ve been very hidden about them :P):
- Began HRT
- Gym
- Job
- Less anxious
A lot of these do come with caviets, there’s still some anxiety associated with certain tasks but overall I’m so much better at managing my emotions. A big switch happened back in March with this blog post and it’s been steadily getting better as time goes on. I only ended up going to the gym reguarly for a month or two on a fluke, but it actually ended up being an important step in managing my anxiety and realising that nobody really gives a shit about you, just go about your day. (It’s especially embarassing taking up a bench doing hip thrusts as someone who’s presenting to be a man but why are you as a man looking as another man thrusting his hips?) The work I currently have is a bit shaky, but it’s been very good for me to actually be in the shoes of an employee and not stress about whether I’d fit into a workplace or not. A lot of these things I didn’t even think I’d be doing until I had moved out and sorted out a lot more so I’m very happy that I’ve actually taken the steps to do a lot of these things.
As for things coming up in 2026, I’m very happy to say that I’m actually going to be moving out of this miserable city!! I remember when I was in 2024, with very little hope, I told myself that if I didn’t have a job by 2026, I’d kill myself. I don’t think I was being completely genuine but it’s hard to say, I think at that point in my life I was very scared to put a timeframe on any “progress” I seem to have made in my life, and giving myself an almost 2 year buffer to find any job was so doable in my head that if I hadn’t achieved it then there’d be no hope for me. But I don’t think that hopeless person from back then would have known that that I’d have moved out. Like the rest of my supposed achievements, this one also has the caviet of “I’m moving in with my transphobic brother and will need to hide out some more” but I’ve found that half-victories are still something I should be striving for, and that they serve as a stepping stone to the real uncompromising things that I will have in the future, after all I still need to feel like I’m winning even if the prize is a plastic medal.
Speaking on things in 2026, I’m not usually one to set a New Years Resolution this early on, but I’ve got a good idea of what I want to improve on as an individual, and for the last few years there’s really been nothing to look forward to in the next year. But this time I want to set some real tangible goals, and aim a bit higher than I previously would have in my pessimistic state:
- Would love to connect with some of you, I’ve made a post on instagram about doing so once I move out, but even some of my online friends, let’s meet!
- I’d like to continue with the gym again, consistently and for a longer period this time. Having done my “trial shift” I know that it’s not the worst thing in the world now.
- I would love to start being Tamara, getting her out of the closet. In my mind a lot of this would probably be done in secret from the rest of my family like it has been for the last 2 years, but I’m hopeful for actually coming out at some point.
- Alongside the last point about coming out, if it’s affordable I’d love to get some therapy for the last few years. Just to potentially unravel a lot of behaviours that I may still be doing as a result of the last few years. I believe that this would also help me with coming out, but it’s already a Big If on being able to afford it (and not doing the NHS one lmao).
Other than that there’s a few less achievable things that I want to do, but it is mostly just turning the “half-victories” into full ones. Getting a stable job, moving with people that accept me (or myself) etc. I haven’t really set these as goals for myself because I believe that they’ll come within the natural flow, and that it takes time for these things to happen.
Either way, I’m looking forward to 2026 for once and I couldn’t really be here to look ahead without the immense amount of work I had done this year to get myself into a better state and I’m very thankful for getting myself out of that Slog. The 2027 Update post is probably going to be a result of one of the most important years of my life, so stay tuned!
Thanks as always for listening to me, have a lovely night! 🤍 -T